****** - Verified Buyer
4.5
One day, I was shopping for a good pencil sharpener.I had an old school house Boston that did an adequate job. In fact, it did a very good job, most of the time. But if you were not holding the pencil square with the hole then there would be too much wood up the one side almost to the tip of the point. Sigh...So I kept looking, and searching. I didnt want no stinkin electric made in China junk.Then I saw this Caran d'Ache manual crank pencil sharpener.Made in Switzerland, all, metal, good quality they said. But, I said to myself, this is obscenely expensive. How can I, a blue collar factory worker, justify spending over $100.00 on a pencil sharpener?Especially with everything going on in the world, famine , pestilence, war.It just does not seem right. It might even be immoral. What if my family finds out?Then I reasoned, look, I said to myself, I use pencils every day, I need them to be sharp! OK, OK, I went for it. I ordered one.A couple weeks later, one morning, I was making coffee. I happened to glance out the window towards the street and a black Caddy Escalade with tinted windows stopped in front of my house. This strange looking guy in a black suit gets out of the passenger side, and hurries right up to my front door carrying a small package. Then he turns and almost runs back to the SUV.I bolted to the door, opening it just as they were screeching away!I looked down and saw a small red box.I picked it up, looked around for any nosey neighbors watching and closed and locked the front door.I cleared the table and opened the box. It was the Caran d'Ache pencil sharpener. It was heavy and looked like a real good quality item.I grabbed a bunch of pencils and started sharpening them. The expandable chuck holds the pencil nice and straight. It puts the exact same perfect point on every pencil, every time! Amazing!But there was more. As I was sharpening, I started to notice that when I removed a sharpened pencil from the chuck it seemed to be glowing. I could also feel a vibration as I held the pencil in my hand. This was too weird! I started to feel dizzy after sharpening five or six pencils. I stopped for fear of passing out.As a couple weeks went by, I sharpened a handful of pencils every day.The same faint glow, and vibration coming off the pencils after sharpening them. These odd characteristics lasted maybe five or ten minutes, and also was followed by my dizzy spells.I was using the pencils daily in work. People started acting differently around me. Good looking women, who never noticed me before started saying hello, even winking at me some times!My boss started commenting on how my work had improved lately. I have to say after a month with this sharpener my life has improved dramatically!In fact, I'm convinced there is something very different about this pencil sharpener. That's right.This is Alien technology!The government is somehow using people as test subjects for this Alien technology that has been built into these sharpeners.I find myself drawn to the sharpener. I have to sharpen pencils. If I cannot find an unsharpened pencil to sharpen, I start breaking the points off my pencils just so I can sharpen them!I know it sounds crazy! What am I supposed to do?So that's it.I have to go sharpen some pencils. Where are those pencils. I need more pencils. pencils pencils pencilsc penilscspemnxilsslas......aha, hahaha, aaahhahahahahahahahaha ahaha...........[two weeks later] sorry about that. I see I never finished this review.OK. I have not left the house in two weeks. I keep the lights all off. I just sit in the corner, in my chair in the dark, with the pencil sharpener on a small table in front of me. There are sharpened pencils all over the place, the floor, everywhere.I know they are coming back for me soon. Not sure how I know this. I just do. The men in the black Caddy SUV. If they were men! I'm not at all sure about that. That they were men.What's that?! I think I hear something outside!
